A friend sent me this article a couple of days ago. The author is unknown. (If anyone knows who wrote this, let me know and I’ll add an attribution.)
The Elements of JazzPiano:Pianists are intellectuals and know-it-alls. They studied theory, harmony and composition in college. Most are riddled with self-doubt. They are usually bald. They should have big hands, but often don't. They were social rejects as adolescents. They go home after the gig and play with toy soldiers. Pianists have a special love-hate relationship with singers. If you talk to the piano player during a break, he will condescend.Bass:Bassists are not terribly smart. The best bassists come to terms with their limitations by playing simple lines and rarely soloing. During the better musical moments, a bassist will pull his strings hard and grunt like an animal. Bass players are built big, with paws for hands, and they are always bent over awkwardly. If you talk to the bassist during a break, you will not be able to tell whether or not he's listening.
Drums:Drummers are radical. Specific personalities vary, but are always extreme. A drummer might be the funniest person in the world, or the most psychotic, or the smelliest. Drummers are uneasy because of the many jokes about them, most of which stem from the fact that they aren't really musicians. Pianists are particularly successful at making drummers feel bad. Most drummers are highly excitable; when excited, they play louder. If you decide to talk to the drummer during a break, always be careful not to sneak up on him.
Saxophone:Saxophonists think they are the most important players on stage. Consequently, they are temperamental and territorial. They know all the Coltrane and Bird licks but have their own sound, a mixture of Coltrane and Bird. They take exceptionally long solos, which reach a peak half way through and then just don't stop. They practice quietly but audibly while other people are trying to play. They are obsessed. Saxophonists sleep with their instruments, forget to shower, and are mangy. If you talk to a saxophonist during a break, you will hear a lot of excuses about his reeds.
Trumpet:Trumpet players are image-conscious and walk with a swagger. They are often former college linebackers. Trumpet players are very attractive to women, despite the strange indentation on their lips. Many of them sing; misguided critics then compare them to either Louis Armstrong or Chet Baker depending whether they're black or white. Arrive at the session early, and you may get to witness the special trumpet game. The rules are: play as loud and as high as possible. The winner is the one who plays loudest and highest. If you talk to a trumpet player during a break, he might confess that his favorite player is Maynard Ferguson, the merciless God of loud-high trumpeting.
Guitar:Jazz guitarists are never very happy. Deep inside they want to be rock stars, but they're old and overweight. In protest, they wear their hair long, prowl for groupies, drink a lot, and play too loud. Guitarists hate piano players because they can hit ten notes at once, but guitarists make up for it by playing as fast as they can. The more a guitarist drinks, the higher he turns his amp. Then the drummer starts to play harder, and the trumpeter dips into his loud/high arsenal. Suddenly, the saxophonist's universe crumbles, because he is no longer the most important player on stage. He packs up his horn, nicks his best reed in haste, and storms out of the room. The pianist struggles to suppress a laugh. If you talk to a guitarist during the break he'll ask intimate questions about your 14-year-old sister.
Vocals:Vocalists are whimsical creations of the all-powerful jazz gods. They are placed in sessions to test musicians' capacity for suffering. They are not of the jazz world, but enter it surreptitiously. Example: A young woman is playing minor roles in college musical theater. One day, a misguided campus newspaper critic describes her singing as "...jazzy." Viola! A star is born! Quickly she learns "My Funny Valentine," "Summertime," and "Route 66." Her training complete, she embarks on a campaign of musical terrorism. Musicians flee from the bandstand as she approaches. Those who must remain feel the full fury of the jazz universe. The vocalist will try to seduce you and the rest of the audience by making eye contact, acknowledging your presence, even talking to you between tunes. DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP! Look away, make your distaste obvious. Otherwise the musicians will avoid you during their breaks. Incidentally, if you talk to a vocalist during a break, she will introduce you to her "manager."
Trombone:The trombone is known for its pleading, voice-like quality. "Listen," it seems to say in the male tenor range, "Why won't anybody hire me for a gig?" Trombonists like to play fast, because their notes become indistinguishable and thus immune to criticism. Most trombonists played trumpet in their early years, then decided they didn't want to walk around with a strange indentation on their lips. Now they hate trumpet players, who somehow get all the women despite this disfigurement. Trombonists are usually tall and lean, with forlorn faces. They don't eat much. They have to be very friendly, because nobody really needs a trombonist. Talk to a trombonist during a break and he'll ask you for a gig, try to sell you insurance, or offer to mow your lawn.
Picking the TuneEvery time a tune ends, someone has to pick a new one. That's a fundamental concept that, unfortunately, runs at odds with jazz group processes. Tune selection makes a huge difference to the musicians. They love to show off on tunes that feel comfortable, and they tremble at the threat of the unknown. But to pick a tune is to invite close scrutiny: "So this is how you sound at your best. Hmm..." It's a complex issue with unpredictable outcomes. Sometimes no one wants to pick a tune, and sometimes everyone wants to pick a tune. The resulting disagreements lead to faction-building and under extreme conditions even impromptu elections. The politics of tune selection makes for some of the session's best entertainment.
Example 1: No one wants to pick a tune (previous tune ends) (silence) trumpet player: "What the f..@*? Is someone gonna to pick a tune?" (silence) trumpet player: "This s%!* is lame. I'm outta here." (Storms out of room, forgetting to pay tab). rest of band (in unison): "Yes!!!" (Band takes extended break, puts drinks on trumpet player's tab).
Example 2: Everyone wants to pick a tune, resulting in impromptu election and eventual tune selection (previous tune ends) (pianist and guitarist simultaneously): "Beautiful Love!"/"Donna Lee!" guitarist to pianist: "You just want to play your fat, stupid ten-note chords!" pianist to guitarist: "You just want to play a lot of notes really fast!" saxophonist: "'Giant Steps'." (a treacherous Coltrane tune practiced obsessively by saxophonists.) guitarist and pianist (together): "Go ahead, a$%^hole." trumpet player: "This sh^%& is lame. 'Night in Tunisia'." (a Dizzy Gillespie tune offering bounteous opportunities for loud, high playing.) saxophonist: "Sorry, forgot my earplugs, Maynard." (long, awkward silence) pianist, guitarist, saxophonist, trumpet player all turn to drummer: "Your turn, Skinhead." (drummer pauses to think of hardest possible tune; a time-tested drummer ploy to punish real musicians who play actual notes.) drummer: "Stablemates." trumpet player: F..@* this! I'm outta here." (Storms out of room. Bartender chases after him.) ("Stablemates") trombonist: "Did someone forget to turn off the CD player?"
-- Not only are these disagreements fun to watch; they create tensions that will last all through the night. (As an educated audience member, you might want to keep a flow chart diagramming the shifting alliances. You can also keep statistics on individual tune-calling. Under no circumstances, though, should you take sides or yell out song titles. Things are complicated enough already.)
Blue Yule – Sometimes the blues and Christmas go together like grits and eggs. Lightnin’ Hopkins and Sonny Boy Williamson (singing about "Santy Claw") are some of the folks who provide a look at a non-Hallmark view of Christmas.
A Concord Christmas – We bought this one for Rosemary Clooney’s version of "Christmas Time is Here." It’ll have you crying in your eggnog.
Jingle Bell Jazz – this is one I owned in LP form for many years. My favorites are Duke Ellington’s "Jingle Bells" and Dexter Gordon’s "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." But not to be missed is Miles Davis and Bob Dorough’s "Blue Xmas." To say it’s a cynical view of the holiday season would be an understatement.
What a Wonderful Christmas – It’s Satchmo. What else needs to be said?
A Charlie Brown Christmas – this is the soundtrack from what is now a holiday tradition. (I remember when it first aired!) The original music was composed by pianist Vince Guaraldi and played by his trio. This year, there’s a newly remastered version out, with four new bonus tracks. "Christmas Time is Here" has since become a holiday standard and "Linus and Lucy" an all-around favorite.
Guitar legend and educator Kenny Burrell turned 75 on July 31st of this year. He’s had a nearly 30 year association with UCLA as a performing artist, professor and now, head of the jazz studies program. (The photos were taken at a concert on May 19, 1979 in front on UCLA’s Janss Steps. In addition to Kenny, the group featured Teddy Edwards-tenor sax, Ernie Andrews-vocals, Art Hillary-piano, John B. Williams-bass, and Sherman Ferguson-drums.)
I’ve been busy lately trying to get our bookstore put together (see the next paragraph). While Julie and I were putting together bookcases, I happened to hear a Sonny Rollins song on local radio station KKJZ that was new to me. The announcer confirmed what I had suspected; Sonny has a new CD out! It’s entitled Sonny, Please. A couple of days later, I went to Tower Records and then Borders to find it; no luck. Then I tried to get it online at Amazon. Again, no luck. It took going to Sonny’s website to find out that he had started his own record label, Doxy Records. The album, his first studio recording in five years, is only available through his website. I think it’s great when an artist takes control of their business like that. Please support them! (I can’t wait for it to arrive!)
A Shameless Plug: My wife and I are in the process of opening an independent bookstore that will serve downtown Los Angeles (440 S. Main, between 4th and 5th). Oddly enough, no one else is serving this market. It will be called Metropolis Books. I have a place marker of a website here. We’re hoping to open early in December. Wish us luck!
One of the things that made Phil Woods celebration of 75 years of life so notable is that so many jazz musicians don’t get to log that many years. 50 years ago on this date, Art Tatum passed away in Los Angeles at age 47. Some would say he was the greatest pianist ever, without including the qualifier "jazz." Classical greats like Rubinstein and Horowitz were fans. Unfortunately, there are not very many visual examples of Tatum in action. But through the magic of You Tube, you can watch him play Humoresque and Yesterdays. (Notice the economy of movement; he’s very efficient.)
The picture on the left is a screen capture of Mr. Woods with David Sanborn and his band from the Night Music show. It was a great show that aired in the late 80s at an ungodly hour. The time slot and the music ensured that it was seen by no one. It featured interesting groupings (one performance had Carla Bley and Bootsy Collins) and I still have some of the videotapes I made from it. When I get the time, I’m going to upload them to YouTube. I’ll post a note when I get there.
Some reminiscing in tempo: Last week, I got to be a recruiter as part of a career fair held at my alma mater, UCLA. As I was driving home, the iPod was playing Charlie Parker’s version of "Laura." The composer, David Raksin, was on the staff of the UCLA music department back when I was a student there. (I used to see him occasionally at Schoenberg Hall) This in turn reminded of a poster I recently came across from a concert at Schoenberg Hall from way back in 1978. One of the things that tell you it was ‘way back’ was the ticket price - $2.50! Now, that doesn’t even cover the fees on a ticket.
Alice Coltrane had Reggie Workman on bass and Roy Haynes on drums backing her. Quite a crew! They played some challenging stuff and it’s still that way today. How do I remember? Because this was one of the few concerts I’ve ever been to that was recorded (legally, at least) for posterity. It became a double album called "Transfiguration." She didn’t come out with another new recording for 26 years!
With each postage increase, the previous set of commemorative stamps becomes obsolete. It was way back in 1995 when the stamps you see at the left were released. Other honorees over the years have included Duke Ellington, Benny Goodman and Billie Holiday.
One of the best features on the iPod is the shuffle function. I have almost 12,000 songs on mine, and it can lead to some interesting transitions. It can be a little jarring to go from Bessie Smith to Anthony Braxton. But still, it makes for some interesting listening.
Like Saxophones? Well, Max Roach alumnus Odean Pope has a group with 9 of them teamed with a rhythm section. If that weren’t enough, he adds 3 guest tenor saxophonists – Michael Brecker, Joe Lovano and James Carter! This is great Coltrane influenced music. It’s called Locked and Loaded: Live at the Blue Note and is on the Artist label. (Ornette Coleman provides liner notes. Saxophones aplenty!)
For the collectors, a classic Charles Mingus recording is released on CD for the first time. It was recorded at UCLA (my alma mater). I own the limited edition LP version that was released in the mid-80s. (I could have made a lot of money if I had sold it on eBay!). It’s called Music written for Monterey 1965, played in its entirety at UCLA. Quite a mouthful, but it’s a typical Mingus statement. One of the compositions on the album is called "Once Upon a Time, There Was a Holding Corporation Called Old America" which was later known as "The Shoes of the Fisherman’s Wife Are Some Jive-ass Slippers"!
On this date 80 years ago, John Coltrane was born. Sadly, he made just a little over half of that time. But he accomplished so much in such a short time – stints with Dizzy Gillespie, Miles Davis and Thelonious Monk before leading a quartet that redefined small group improvisation.
For those who are looking for a place to start listening to his music, I would recommend the 2 –disc set on Rhino appropriately entitled The Last Giant. It starts with a homemade recording as a 19 year old in the Navy and covers his development up until his Impulse! Records stint. (The Impulse! recordings can be the most daunting to the uninitiated.)
The idea of two basses apparently goes back to Duke Ellington, who started using that configuration back in the mid-1930s and used it off and on until the end of his career. But there is not that much similarity in how the two composers use this set up. Ornette uses one bass playing counter melodies, primarily arco (with bow) and the other bassist in a more tradition, pizzicato (plucked) role.
After a two month absence, another entry!!!
I thought I’d go with the great Ornette Coleman for my next entry. The autographs shown above are on Ornette’s Crisis! album. The album is a fairly rare Impulse! recording from 1969. The cover seems appropriate for today's times.
Jelly Roll Morton: The Complete Library of Congress Recordings
Louis Armstrong: The Offstage Story of Satchmo
